Becoming Better

Have you ever wondered why some highly talented individuals struggle to consistently perform at their best, or why common life challenges seem so hard to overcome? The answer often lies in understanding two fundamental aspects of ourselves: our Doing Side and our Being Side. While you’re likely very familiar with one, the other holds the key to truly transformational improvement.

Your Two Sides: Capabilities vs. Character

Our Doing Side represents our talents, knowledge, skills, and abilities. Think of it as the collection of “tools in your tool belt”. Someone highly developed on their Doing Side might be an ingenious tactician, a brilliant coach, or a skilled surgeon. For instance, Bobby Knight, a legendary basketball coach, was highly developed on his Doing Side, renowned for his analytical mind and extraordinary ability to break things down. Most traditional development efforts, from education to athletic programs and corporate training, heavily focus on enhancing this side, helping us “do better” by acquiring more knowledge and skills.

However, the sources reveal that what truly sets the best apart is not just their skills, but the quality of their Being Side. Our Being Side is our ability to regulate and lead ourselves. It’s about the quality and sophistication of the person wearing the tool belt, often referred to as our personal character. While Knight was brilliant, his Being Side was conflicted due to anger issues and extreme behavior, showing a struggle to regulate and lead himself. This is a common pattern seen in many public figures who are immensely talented but whose character is questioned.

The Unseen Hand: Why Our Being Side Holds Us Back

Interestingly, we are generally less in touch with our Being Side because it’s more complex and operates largely automatically and subconsciously. Our Being Side is essentially the quality of our body’s internal operating system, controlled by our nervous system, which is constantly attuned to our survival and directing us away from pain and towards pleasure. This system develops patterns of interpretation and response that, while efficient, may not always be optimal. For example, if you receive constructive criticism, your operating system might automatically interpret it as an attack and make you defensive, even if you intellectually know the value of feedback.

The sources suggest that most common life struggles are rooted in Being Side deficiencies. Issues like anxiety, depression, self-doubt, addiction, relationship problems, and financial difficulties often stem from impaired regulatory abilities, attachment styles, or deficit mindsets, rather than a lack of knowledge or skills. Similarly, the characteristics that make people great, such as courage, humility, and resilience, are primarily linked to a refined Being Side, not just Doing Side skills. If we are “hung up” in any facet of our lives, it generally has more to do with our Being Side.

Horizontal vs. Vertical Development: The Path to Transformation

To become transformationally better, we need to shift our focus to vertical development.

• Horizontal development is akin to “downloading apps onto an iPad” – it expands our knowledge, skills, and abilities. It helps us “do better”.
• Vertical development, however, is about “upgrading our internal operating system”. It focuses on our Being Side, elevating our ability to interpret, process, and respond to the world in value-creating ways as opposed to self-protective ways. This process leads to greater cognitive and emotional sophistication.

People whose internal operating system is wired for self-protection tend to process and respond to situations in a way that provides short-term safety and comfort, often being “me-focused” and limiting in the long run. This contrasts with those wired for value creation, who can tolerate short-term discomfort to create massive long-term value for themselves and others. Brené Brown’s journey, detailed in the sources, exemplifies vertical development as she upgraded her system to embrace vulnerability and stillness, despite initial discomfort, leading to a more wholehearted life.

Understanding the three adult development stages (Mind 1.0: Team Player, Mind 2.0: Progress Maker, and Mind 3.0: Value Creator) provides a framework for gauging our Being Side altitude. While most adults (64%) operate at Mind 1.0 (focused on safety and fitting in), and many leaders (85%) operate at Mind 2.0 (focused on standing out and getting ahead), only 1% of the general public and 8% of executives reach Mind 3.0, where individuals are wired to contribute, add value, and lift others. The quality of our mindsets, such as fixed versus growth mindsets, or closed versus open mindsets, also directly reflects the quality of our internal operating system and our wiring for self-protection or value creation.

The Journey of Awakening

The first crucial step in this journey is deepening our self-awareness. This means understanding the often-unseen programming within our internal operating system. While 95% of people think they are self-aware, only 10-15% actually are, because most are unaware of their Being Side’s subconscious workings. Awakening to this self-protective wiring, though challenging, is life-changing and opens the door to personal transformation. It allows us to recognize where our programming might be holding us back and to then work on refining and upgrading it to become the best version of ourselves.